A Lot Like Love
by randombill21
Summary: Love that touches our hearts. Heartbreak that causes our tears to flow. The emotions and consequences of war. The plights of young soldiers during a war between two races that challenges their love, loyalty and fate. Collective one-shots.
1. There You'll Be

**_A/N:_** OK. First off, I owe my faithful readers some big explanation, and here it is: Sadly, I've had a nasty run in with the two words writers dread the **most**. _Writer's block_. I'm still recovering, and it'd probably be a long time before I update **_Be My Valentine_** again. I'm continuing it, but I've been so unhappy with the way the latest chapter has been going. I just need to figure out how to connect all the events together and redirect the way the story's going. If I don't, well, it crashes and burns. And the fact I am grounded and am reduced to only checking my e-mail does _not_ help. My parents watch me like freaking hawks and my grades have been slipping. I am touched by the reviews and I am **_continuing with the story_**.

But while I am recuperating, I will create hopefully two new stories. This one doesn't really count, since it's like a series of one-shots that I write on spur-of-the-moment ideas. Anyway, the two stories are called: **_The Pianist_** and one that I am still frying my brain for a title. I am truly sorry for all those who enjoyed the story, but it's on HIATUS for the time being.

**_Disclaimer:_** Well you know, if I owned SEED or SEED Destiny, certain people and events would never have happened. coughcoughCAGALLI BEING FORCED TO MARRY YUNAcoughcough> And coughcoughMWU DYINGcoughcough>. I also do not own the song **_There You'll Be_**. Whoever made it up does.

**_Foot Note:_** I also noticed that the scene changes might be a little confusing. So here it is: after the first verse, it's taking place on the bridge and Murrue's room. After the chorus it's in Mwu's room. After the second verse, it's a few weeks later at Mwu's funeral, obviously, and after the second chorus, it's sill at Mwu's funeral. It's a bit confusing, but I just couldn't figure out where to put, _Taking place in Mwu's room, funeral and etc._ It'd be so odd... well, I'll go now...

* * *

_**A Lot Like Love**_

**_There You'll Be_**

_When I think back on these times, _

_And the dreams we left behind,_

_I'll be glad 'cause_

_I was blessed to get to have you in my life_

_When I look back on these days,_

_I'll look and see your face_

_**You were right there for me**_

"MWU!"

The desolate cry rang throughout the bridge, and the marigold eyes of none other than the young captain, Murrue Ramius, filled with tears crying for the loss of the light-hearted Mwu La Flaga. The scrap pieces of what had been the Strike floated around, as if to mock Murrue's current pain. The crew stared on in shock, and the man's last words shook Murrue so badly she wanted to die.

"_I make the impossible, possible,"_

Why was war so cruel? Miriallia had lost Tolle, Flay had lost her father, Lacus had lost _both_ her parents, Cagalli had lost her father, and her friends, and Kira… the young pilot had lost his entire sense of innocence fighting for the wrong causes. And Murrue… just now she had lost Mwu. Even through the shattering of her heart, she couldn't prevent the times she had shared with him, up until his untimely demise.

She heard herself vaguely giving out the order to fire the Lohengrin at the Dominion. She barely remembered what happened after Kira killed Le Creuset. She could barely remember anything. But lying on her bed, she could so vividly remember the thoughts of death running through her head until Mwu blocked that blast. Why… _why did it have to be him!_

Murrue knew she should stop: had it not been Mwu, it would have been someone else, someone else could have been suffering the very same way as she was right now. Still… it hurt. Murrue Ramius almost expected the Hawk of Endymion to burst through her door unceremoniously, drunk on pure happiness, with that ridiculous grin on his face…

A crystalline tear fell down Murrue's face as she remembered the very first day she had met the man named Mwu La Flaga.

Granted, it was under very grim circumstances, yet it had only served to lead into a beautiful relationship.

It had been in Heliopolis, was it not, after a disastrous hijacking mission conducted by ZAFT that had resulted in her being the captain of the ship, Archangel? She remembered every detail so clearly.

_Flashback_

"I am Lieutenant Murrue Ramius with the **Second Independence Fleet**," Murrue greeted, saluting and giving out a startled look as Mwu stuck out his hand for a shake, grinning.

"Lieutenant Mwu La Flaga of the **Third Independence Fleet**, a pleasure to meet you, ma'am," Mwu greeted casually, dark eyes twinkling.

"Huh, oh…" Murrue broke out into a smile, shaking his hand in a firm grasp. "Likewise, Lieutenant La Flaga,"

_Flashback to present_

_It's actually not that long ago_, she realized with a pang. _And how fast did I get attached to him?_

She remembered the silly thought that had passed through her one day in the mess hall. It had been an off-hand remark from Kira and Tolle about what a perfect match she and Mwu seemed to make. But that had led to a beginning of hopes and dreams for the both of them.

Murrue had imagined a house by the beach, with a dog as a pet, and maybe one or two kids. She'd observe the sunset from the balcony, and Mwu would come in with their evening coffee, and make a few light-hearted jokes. The anguish of the war would be far behind them. They'd both be happy in their own little world, secluded from the rest of humanity… How wonderful that life had seemed.

But Murrue could buy all the beach houses in the world, she could get every dog in the world, she could watch every sunset in any balcony in the world. However, none of those things would bring Mwu back. For goodness sakes, the man's body couldn't even be _found_!

Murrue let out a strangled sob. It tore at her the most. The fact a heroic man couldn't even be given a proper burial because his body would never be found. It wasn't fair. War wasn't fair, love wasn't fair, life wasn't fair; _nothing_ was fair.

Her tears came like a waterfall now.

In one day, Murrue Ramius had single handedly lost a friend and a lover.

_Mwu, what would I be feeling now if I had never met you… you would have been another face in the military to grieve for. I wouldn't be broken like this, my heart wouldn't be breaking like this, and no one on this ship would grieve for your loss like this!_ Murrue silently screamed. That was all she could do. Scream silently. No matter who died, she was still the captain of this ship. Her crew needed her to be strong.

Murrue knew Kira would be grieving like a son would grieve for his father. She had seen the conversations shared by the two, and Mwu had always been helpful to the young pilot, being the ever hearty father figure. She knew Murdoch would be grieving a loss of a good friend. Mwu and Murdoch had been friends, sharing random topics about women -Murrue would assume- cars, mechanics, anything. She knew the crew would be grieving for the loss of a cheerful soldier with just the right amount of jokes to cheer them. And Murrue knew she was grieving the loss of a true love.

As painful as those memories were to her now, she knew she was blessed with them. Mwu had made such a huge impact on all their lives on such a short notice. No matter where he went, he couldn't just be a nameless soldier; he was too good for that. And Murrue realized that looking back, in every moment of crisis, he had been there, to brighten up her day…

_Flashback_

"I'll make it a point to bring it up in Alaska," Natarle said icily, pivoting on her heel and nearly stomping out of the room, seething.

Murrue sighed and put her head on her desk. What else was she supposed to do? It wasn't like she _wanted_ to force Kira to work for the big, bad Orb nation! She had no choice! But no… Natarle had to go and do what she usually did: argue with it. And it tired Murrue endlessly. Natarle was a good comrade, yet sometimes…

The sudden pats on her back snapped her out of her reverie, but she didn't lift her head.

"Aw… cheer up now, it's not like we get to Alaska tomorrow!" Mwu said lightly and sympathetically.

Murrue had to smile. But, rules were rules… "Stop it Commander, that's harassment," she sang.

Mwu immediately stopped, and his face was that of bewilderment. "Eh?" he looked at his hand, aghast. "It is?" he asked.

Murrue nodded.

_Flashback to present_

Or that time when they were discussing the delicate issue regarding Flay and Kira… or just about any time she was under stress. Mwu was there, wasn't he? Yes, yes he was, whether it be with words of wisdom, words of entertainment or words of sympathy, he had been there.

_In my dreams_

_I'll always see you _

_Soar above the sky_

_In my heart_

_There will always be a place _

_For you _

_All my life_

_I'll keep a part of you with me_

_And everywhere I am,_

**_There you'll be_**

****

Every time she'd picture him, Murrue would always see the same grinning man, launching in his Sky Grasper toward the battlefield, never thinking twice about the consequences of being a soldier. She'd always picture him whizzing by in that Sky Grasper, shooting down enemies that needed to be shot down. That picture would be burned into her mind forever, along with every moment and memory that she shared with Mwu La Flaga.

And in her heart, he'd be there, in his reserved place, no matter how much it hurt to have him gone; he'd always be there in her heart. He had always been there during their stay on the Archangel, he was in her heart now, and damn, it was _always_ going to stay that way.

Even though the thought helped a little, Murrue was unable to stop the tears that coursed down her cheeks. How was she supposed to move on? She just… she just couldn't…

Murrue dropped to her knees, arms around herself, her mind fervently trying to recall and conjure up every single moment she shared with Mwu, every single memory of him… it was all she had to keep of him. There was no body, after all, right? He hadn't kept anything she could treasure as a reminder on the ship, so her memories of Mwu were all she had left of him. His laugh, his smile, his appearance… what if it all faded away?

"No, you can't… think like that," Murrue whispered to herself firmly. "He's not gone unless you say he is, Murrue… Mwu's not… gone. He's just… away…"

Her heart broke and her tears fell, but Murrue knew Mwu would always be with her. Somehow, he would always stay with her. He wouldn't let himself be forgotten. He was too good for that. His face would permanently be burned into Murrue's mind, and she would keep it with her and every trouble she had, every tear she shed, he'd be there. It worked, right? Her memories of Mwu would always exist somewhere in that special place in her broken heart.

_Well you showed me how it feels,_

_To feel the sky within my reach_

_And I always will remember_

_All the strength you gave to me_

_Your love made me make it through,_

_Oh, I owe so much to you,_

_**You were right there for me**_

****

_You never knew how you made me feel, Mwu,_ Murrue thought wistfully, dropping a rose into his empty casket. The red rose landed silently onto the red velvet among about a thousand others. _I was the happiest woman in the world…_

He had shown her the other side of being among the stars, that being in space didn't always have to mean bloodshed and gazing at scraps of metal all the time. There could be something glittering and shining among them, there could be something beautiful to be found among the scraps of metal and an emotional tale behind the tragedies of war.

Murrue had seen the negative; Mwu had showed her the positive. How well their views seemed to mix together. Isn't that what Kira and Tolle had said?

As the closed coffin was lowered into the ground and the people paid their respects, a bitter smile crossed Murrue's face. The only thing that kept her from breaking down completely, stopping her from taking her own life… was the strength Mwu had given her in the past, when he had simply been there. Knowing she loved him and he loved her was enough to help her make it through. It kept her intact, and the supportive calls she had been regularly getting from Lacus, Kira, or Miriallia –who definitely knew the feeling of losing a loved one for sure- also helped her by, but sometimes when she relaxed, she often saw him, grinning at her. And that helped her the most.

The strength that shined through his smile and laughs, the firm grip with which he helped her through… Murrue owed Mwu so much, and the only way she could repay the debt was by wading through life. By living and experiencing things he would want her to. That was the only way Murrue could ever repay Mwu for being there. She would have to live, remembering Mwu as his light-hearted self, remembering his smile when she would ever think she couldn't go on anymore.

_In my dreams_

_I'll always see you _

_Soar above the sky_

_In my heart_

_There will always be a place _

_For you _

_All my life_

_I'll keep a part of you with me_

_And everywhere I am,_

**_There you'll be_**

****

A gentle hand on her shoulder made the young captain look up.

"Murrue-san," Miriallia said, voice laid thick with suppressed emotion.

It wasn't fair for Miriallia to suffer at such a young age. It wasn't fair for her to lose Tolle.

"Miriallia," Murrue forced a smile.

"I guess neither of us will get to see them one last time," Miriallia said with difficulty, tears leaking from her eyes slowly.

Murrue nodded. "No, I suppose not," she agreed, her own tears falling in spite of herself. "It was cruel… for both of them to die like that."

Miriallia wiped at her eyes but the tears didn't cease to flow. "It wasn't fair… Tolle had so much going for him, Commander La Flaga had so much going for him… all of those who died had so much going for them…"

Murrue's vision clouded with her tears and she dropped to her knees as Miriallia wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Why'd he have to do that? I'll never forget the way he dove in front of that blast. Mwu, you stupid, stupid bastard…. Why'd you have to do that! Why didn't you think…?"

By now, both women had given up trying to stop crying, too lost in their grief to think much about it.

"Tolle died helping Kira, I at least take pride in that," Miriallia whispered. Whether to herself, or to her, Murrue didn't know. "I'm at least happy that Tolle died honorably, that he died trying to save a valuable friend…"

"It doesn't make it hurt any less," Murrue sobbed. "I still feel like he's here, sometimes sitting across from me in a restaurant, and sitting across from me drinking coffee…"

A sad smile appeared on the younger girl's face. "I'll always see him with that look of pride on his face when he went out in that Sky Grasper," she said, aqua gaze directed to the sky. "He looked so happy… I'll remember him best like that, Tolle belongs there."

Murrue nodded. "I could fall in love again, but… I'll never forget the way Mwu made me feel, Miriallia. I'll never forget him… it's impossible to. He's too good for that," she said, voice barely above a whisper.

A gentle breeze blew by, and Murrue glanced up to the clear blue sky. "You'll always be in my heart, Mwu La Flaga… you'll never be anywhere else." She declared marigold eyes full of last farewell tears. "You'll always be with me…"

"He'll always be there, Murrue-san, remember that. A part of him is with you, and he'll always be there," Miriallia stated.

_In my dreams_

_I'll always see you _

_Soar above the sky_

_In my heart_

_There will always be a place _

_For you _

_All my life_

_I'll keep a part of you with me_

_And everywhere I am,_

**_There you'll be_**

* * *

**_A/N:_** There we go! I actually wasn't quite happy with it, but I think it was satisfactory for a spur-of-the-moment idea. And about the whole Second and Third Independence Fleet thing, I was purely going out on a limb. I briefly leafed through the manga and remember reading numbers and some fancy fleet name, so I guessed those. I started watching SEED from the tenth episode, so I'm probably horribly misinformed, and haven't watched the end either, so please correct me if I screwed up on Mwu's heroic words. I got the idea for this during my voice lesson, and was debating whether or not do this song for a Kira/Lacus one-shot, but then decided that Mwu/Murrue suited it better. Well, since no one cares how I was inspired, I think I shall go stuff myself now and come out of spring break looking like a… watermelon or something. Read review, please, even if you hated it and want to bash my head in! 


	2. Our Emotions

**_A/N:_** Hello! I'm back… finally! Anyway… this is a short piece I did focusing on the EA pilots. A lot of it is pure speculation on my part, and the idea hit me one extremely boring class in Math Excel. If the information I have is wrong, feel free to correct me. Flame me for all I care. I'm really somewhat proud of this, and just as a warning, this was done when I was feeling depressed. So if this seemed excessively depressing, now you know why! Happy reading! Sorry for not getting this up so quick!

**_Disclaimer_**: I don't own anything in this sadly. But happy reading anyway!

* * *

_**Our Emotions**_

"NO!" The blonde screamed, backing further on the cushiony pod, magenta eyes wild and filled to the brim with fear. She clutched the square piece of material to her chest, shaking her head wildly. Her short blonde hair flew about, at times the strands whipping at her face like knives. However… knives would feel less painful than forgetting that boy…

"Stellar-san, please, calm down," one of the scientists said desperately, taking a step forward, arms extended. He was the typical scientist; with the round glasses, a white lab coat, and the nervous aura create from being shunned by people. He seemed even more terrified than Stellar herself was eyes wide and face portraying utter panic.

The less patient scientist growled and reached out to forcefully grab Stellar by the arm, but the nimble blonde simply evaded him, looking at the two scientists wildly.

Auel Neider and Sting Oakley watched by, leaning on their elbows, expressions of concern written on their faces. Auel's emerald eyes held carefully shielded thoughts as he watched Stellar throw a fit.

_What... What was so special about him?_ He wondered silently. They were experiments, to put it bluntly. Stellar, Sting, and him. They were ace pilots, yet they were always looked down upon. At times he wished for a better life for all three of them, without having to use the bloody pods after every battle, not to feel the pain of withdrawal… What a life _that_ would be. Fighting with everything they had, only to die namelessly by the hands of the race they were trained to hate… Was that really how life would be for them? For Sting to be killed in the Chaos Gundam by one of the enemies, and have the remnants of his body float in space? Was that how Stellar's life would be like? To be forever afraid of death, and perish at the hands that Impulse Gundam in her Gaia, to the last moments of her young life, begging not to die?

_Is that my life?_ Auel wondered. Was he supposed to die nameless, his death only marked by a simple plaque against a wall? Plaques would rust… he'd be forgotten!

He didn't wish to die that way. He wanted to die gallant, not desperately and pitifully! Was that why Stellar was so afraid of death? Did Sting think the same way?

Focusing on Stellar once more, he felt a tinge of pain and regret. She had been like a lost puppy, broken to the point where she was nearly insane. Stellar Loussier was like his little sister, and Auel wished he and Sting had never searched for her. He didn't see it, but that ZAFT soldier… he was something special to Stellar. He glanced away, sighing. Were druggies supposed to feel emotions like this?

"Go away!" Stellar cried desperately. "Go away! Go away!"

"Stellar-san!" the nervous scientist said, adjusting his tie nervously. "Please calm down. It won't hurt, I promise. It's just routine procedure for people in the program-"

"NO! Leave me alone! I don't need it!" Stellar cried out, shrinking herself into a ball. "You'll make me forget him!"

The scientists sighed, aggravated. She _needed_ to get through the treatment. Or else she would be driven insane and worst of all, the Earth Alliance would be losing one of their ace pilots, and that _could not_ happen!

"You _will_ get this treatment, whether you like it or not, Stellar-san!" the impatient scientist snapped, scowling.

Stellar shook her head stubbornly. Forgetting him… forgetting him…forgetting him… Shinn Asuka's face flashed into her mind, when he'd promised her everything would be alright… She couldn't forget him, she _wouldn't_ forget him. He made her feel safe the way even her own family couldn't. He showed compassion toward her, a lowly experiment, when those two men treated her like an object. Why did the scientists want to make her forget Shinn?

"Stellar," Sting chided gently. "It would be better in the end, pull yourself together."

Stellar glanced at him, magenta eyes filled with emotions. Emotions that shouldn't be there… "I don't want to. I promise I'll be good. Just please? Don't let me forget him," she pleaded desperation evident in her tone as tears trickled down. "Stellar will be good. Please?"

Sting glanced away, fist clenched. His amber eyes caught Auel's emerald ones briefly and he sighed. Failure wasn't tolerated in the Phantom Pain. And to assure no failure, emotions should be ignored and shouldn't exist. However, could he really help the thoughts that taunted his mind late at night, when all sounds of battle had diminished? The strong desire for a normal life… could he really help that? He ignored the thoughts as best as he could, but they never left. His emotions played him like a fool; he hid them, but they played him like a fiddle. Being attached to Auel and Stellar, worrying for them in the battlefield, his feelings always deterred him from his goal, focused on keeping the two safe.

Auel was like his little brother, and Stellar, his younger sister. It wasn't written in stone, but Sting was the leader, the older brother that looked out for them. If he didn't, who would? If his emotions didn't focus themselves on them, whose would? If he didn't care for them, who would? Neo? The scientists? Jibril? No one would. It was simple as that.

And now, Stellar suffered because of her emotions, just as Sting himself did. Inside he felt sick with worry for her, but he had to be strong. He had to stay aloof, or the three of them would never survive!

"What's going on?" Neo Lorrokonde's baritone voice inquired. The masked wonder sauntered into the lab, bewilderment clear in his voice as he approached the scientists. "Why aren't they undergoing the treatment yet?"

The nervous one stepped forward, seeming apologetic. "Well, you see, Neo-san, Stellar-san is, well…" he trailed off, wringing his hands.

If the three of them could have seen Neo's face, they imagined he'd have arched his eyebrow. "Oh? Do continue. What's Stellar doing?" he demanded.

"She's refusing to undergo the treatment," the impatient one said bluntly and irritatingly. "She's been rambling about the last half an hour, pleading not to erase her memory."

"Stellar, is that true?" Neo questioned, turning to Stellar.

The blonde nodded the affirmative, clutching the handkerchief tightly. "Neo, you won't make Stellar forget Shinn, would you?" she asked. Neo would take her side, right? Neo always took her side! He had even said she was his 'daughter'! So Neo wouldn't make her forget him, would he…?

Heaving a sigh, Neo walked toward Stellar, pondering what to say. Granted, he wished Stellar wouldn't have to receive maintenance, but that would result in insanity and utter pain. He had been warned not to get attached to them. But how could he not? How could anyone barricade their hearts so strongly against three youths who only longed for a better life? Only a fool would say he couldn't.

"Neo please?" Stellar looked up at him pleadingly. "Stellar will be good. Don't erase Shinn… please?"

Neo forced a reassuring smile on his face and stroked her hair. "Now, now, Stellar. In the end, it'll be better without your memories of him. You'll still have Auel, Sting and I, won't you?" he reasoned calmly.

Stellar looked uncertain, probably coming up with reasons why it'd be better off without her memories of the ZAFT pilot. "But…"

"Stellar," Neo began, patting her head. "Let's be reasonable, shall we? You trust me, don't you?"

Stellar nodded eagerly.

"Then trust me when I say it'd be easier on you, Stellar. I only want what's best for you," Neo said soothingly.

Stellar nodded slowly. "Yes…" she mumbled.

"Excellent. Then you'll do what Hidoki and Ryoku says like a good girl, right?"

Another nod.

Neo took his leave after a nod to the scientists. He didn't miss the glare Auel sent him. Who could? No matter how much he tried to convince that boy he sympathized with Stellar's situation, Auel would never believe him.

Neo observed the three behind the widow, arms crossed. Stellar had obeyed the scientists, although it was hard to miss her reluctance.

Now she was curled up in her pod, the blasted handkerchief still clutched in her hand.

Stellar shut her eyes as the glass shut itself, mind easing as the drug started to take its effect. Her mind fought to hold onto Shinn's image, tears glistening as she slowly found the image fading. _Shinn…_

A flash of him bandaging her foot entered her mind and as quickly as it came it faded away, her heart cracking as it did so.

_When was that?_

She remembered the feel of his arms as he promised everything would be OK, but in a split second, she forgot.

_Was something wrong?_

Shinn's blushing face entered her mind but took its leave so quickly.

_Why was he blushing?_

"…_family's gone…"_

_Why do I feel sad?_

"_Did you want to _die_!"_

_What did I do?_

The rush of images and flashes of memories suddenly halted and Stellar was left in the blackness before one sentence echoed around her.

"_I'll protect you; I promise,"_

She didn't know why, but her heart broke at those words. Her tears hit the cushiony surface as her mind asked the question, _Forgetting you... would be worse then death... why?_

* * *

**_A/N:_** So… what do you think? Crappy? Good? OK? I should never look at a keyboard again? Feedback is always appreciated! RnR pretty please! Oh, and, I'm not sure if this is allowed in but if it IS, I'm taking requests. Which means you send me information, and if I ever get to be on the computer long enough, I'll make a one-shot. If it's not, well then that idea shoots down the drain! 


	3. Kimi ni Aitakute

**_A/N:_** Whoot! I'm on a roll! I would've gotten this earlier, but for some reason my Internet refused to cooperate... Oo. ANYWAY, the next chapter is well under way! But for the moment, enjoy this little piece I thought up when I was listening to Gackt's Kimi ni Aitakute. I looked at the lyrics went OMG, that's SO ShinnxStellar! Yeah... well enjoy!

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't ANYTHING in this story escept the plot. How sad.

**_Foot Note:_** After the first set of lyrics, it's Shinn's POV, after the next set of lyrics it's Stellar's POV, and it alternates like that until the last two set of lyrics. Those two are Shinn's POV's. Hope it's not too confusing! Translations are at the bottom and the credit goes to because my dumb brain doens't know one word of Japanese except really simple stuff...

* * *

_**Kimi ni Aitakute**_

_Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute_

_Mou ichido kono te wo tsunaide hoshii_

I miss you, Stellar. More than I've ever missed anyone… if there was any way for you to forget the world of pain that you've come to know… if you could just start over and be the girl that you could've been, instead of the one you are now; so plagued by death and riddled with problems that aren't your fault. If you could've only held onto my hand and never let go… if there was only a way that you could have done that, would you and I have been in this mess?

_Kono heya ni mada okiwasureta kimi no omokage wo sagashiteiru yo_

_Me wo tojireba ima mo kimi ga soba ni iru you na ki ga shite_

_Itsuka wa atarimae no you ni_

_Wakare ga kuru koto wakatteita no ni_

I don't remember where I put it, the empty face in my mind. I look for that single memento I've misplaced, desperately searching for the one thing that lets me cling onto my memories of him. Even when I squeeze my eyes shut, I can still hear him make that promise to me: "_I'll protect you…_" It feels so near as it is so far away. If I could only have that moment back I would've done everything so that I didn't have to leave. Whoever he was I'd tell him to not hate me if I forgot him. Wherever he is I'd tell him I can still remember the faint promise he made.

I don't remember what happened, I never do. I just believe what Neo tells me, because he's told me he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. It's odd, I feel like it was OK we parted ways. I feel like I knew what was coming; somewhere in my mind it's like I knew I wouldn't remember him. It's a natural part of life; people meet and people leave... At least, that's what Neo tells me. People will meet, and people will part someday, but if they were truly important they will stay.

_Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute_

_Wasureru koto nante dekiyashinai kara_

_Kimi ga mienakute nandomo kizutsuketa keredo_

_Mou ichido kono te wo tsunaide hoshii_

I'm missing you right now, Stellar, if you can't see. I'm missing you right now, looking at the fragment you gave me. I'm still confused as to what it is, but it's what you gave to me, so it must have presented some importance to you. Luna asked me what it was; I told her I didn't know.

I remember how you were so afraid of death, and I remember the warm smile you gave me when I said I'd protect you. I could only hope you were somewhere safe, that your 'brothers' would take good care of you. I never forgot you during those times; I never could. Even through battles I thought of you, only if I'd known sooner that you _were_ the enemy I was striving to kill. I can't see the girl I met by the ocean, and that hurts so much. I can't see the beautiful blonde I saved from drowning; I can only see an enemy that had killed so many. Could it really be you, Stellar? Can you really be the girl that I saved? The girl I promised to protect? I can't believe you could've been killed by my own hands… why did you fight if you were so afraid?

Either way, whichever one you may be, I still don't want you to let go of my hand. I still want to protect you, to return you to a world where you'll be safe and where you can dance and twirl all you want, without worrying about ever falling, without worrying about death that could strike you any day.

_Deatta toki ni koi ni ochite omowazu kimi wo dakishimeteita_

_Sonna boku ni warainagara "baka ne" to karuku kisu shite_

_Daremo ga deai to wakare no naka de_

_Tashika na ai ni kizuiteiku_

If I remembered you would I know the feeling I harbored when we first met? That impulsive emotion I felt for you? You looked so desperate, so torn apart when I first woke up. You begged me to remember you, when I clearly couldn't. If I did remember you would I have known the strange feeling? Now I remember you, and the feeling seems so clear; when I saw you for the second time I was so glad, when impulsively I said I remembered you, you looked so happy and promised you'd protect me.

Anyone could've seen what we held for each other. In between life, in between the partings and the meetings, anyone could've seen this certain love. Neo often told me love was just a flitting bird; flying away far away into the blue sky. I often asked him what he meant; he never told me. He simply smiled and patted my head, telling me I didn't ever have to worry about watching the bird fly away and feel pain watching it. Did he ever feel that pain? I once asked him that; he never answered either.

And now I wonder if this love will flit away, like Neo said love would. But I wish different. I'm wishing with everything I have that it'll stay with me and protect me, like it promised it would.

_Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute_

_Hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de_

_Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo_

_Boku no kokoro wa mada kimi wo sagashiteiru_

Now I'm missing you, leaving that island, with only the trust of a stranger that you'd be alright. I'm missing you more than I ever had before. Will you be safe, like that man had promised? Or will I meet you again, striving to kill you? When the next time we meet, will we meet under the blue sky, by the ocean, just like we did the first time when we were unaware of the pains of goodbye?

I only want to tell you, as I numbly fly away, even if my feelings aren't returned, I just want to tell you hoping that you'll remember when you're afraid. I want to tell you, so you'll gain hope when you feel there's no one to catch you. I want to tell you, so you can know that when you're dying, there's someone who loved you until the end.

I just wanted to tell you I love you that my heart's searching for you as the days go on, hell I still do.

I asked you to remember me, I asked him to keep you safe, where you wouldn't have to go near war ever again. I blindly trusted him and I left, only the blind trust with me. I had no choice but to trust him, because he's someone you trusted. And even as I leave I wonder if I should've just held onto you for myself, or if I should've done what I did just now; setting you free and chancing you being hurt again.

_Itsuka wa atarimae no you ni_

_Wakare ga kuru koto wakatteita no ni_

As I watch you leave, as I watch you take off into the sunrise, I knew. Neo was right. Love _is_ a flitting bird. Even as you carried me toward Neo, I knew we were parting. I knew it was bound to happen, I just hoped it wasn't so soon. I just wished Neo wasn't right. As I clutch your memento in my hands, I'm still wishing we didn't have to part. Even as Neo carries me back I'm wishing you'd stay with me. I'm still wishing he didn't have to be right. I'm still wishing for that bird to come flying back to me. I'm still waiting for its promise to protect me.

_Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute_

_Wasureru koto nante dekiyashinai kara_

_Kimi no tame nara sou kimi no tame nara..._

I miss you so much… sitting here in the cold cell, I'm missing you, can't you tell? I'm missing you because I could've held onto you. I'm missing you because I let you go. I'm missing you because I could never forget you. You would never have to feel that, Stellar. And I'm glad. Even as I asked you to remember me a part of me knew you couldn't. It's not that you won't, right? It's simply because you can't. I can only hope you're safe and sound.

I'll keep my memory of you alive. I'll remember your every word and smile and feature, I'll hold onto them for you. So if you forget, I'll remember for you. If you don't remember, I'll remember for you, Stellar. I'll remember our moments for you; I'll keep your memory alive for you. So that maybe, one day if you remember, we'll see again what we first saw in each other. I'll remember so I can find solace in those memories. If it's for you, Stellar, I'll remember. If it's for you, I can withstand the pain a little bit longer. I'll keep those memories a little bit longer if it's for you, I swear it.

_Mou ichido kono te wo tsunaide hoshii_

_Itusmo tsunaida te wa atatakakatta_

I don't want you to let go, Stellar, I really don't. Even as I know you will, facing you now, with a gun in my hand, I truly don't want you to let go. Even as you face me with a gun in your own hand I sit with the glimmer of hope that you'll remember how you held onto my promise. Even as you and I pull the trigger I'm hoping we can avoid this path and walk along a new one. A fresh, paved one where we don't have to know the pain of goodbye. A new path where we don't have to know the pain of loss.

Please don't let go, Stellar, my hand was warmer when you held it.

* * *

_**Song Translation:**_

**I Miss You**_ (Title)_

I miss you, I miss you more than anyone

I don't want you to ever let go of my hand again

I forgot where I put it again

I'm looking for my memento of you

If I close my eyes, even now, I feel like you're near

I knew, as if it were natural

We'd part ways someday

I miss you, I miss you more than anyone

Because I could never forget you

I can't see you, and it hurts me so much

But I don't want you to ever let go of my hand

I fell in love the moment we first met, and without thinking I hugged you

While laughing at me, you called me silly and lightly kissed me...

Anyone would recognize certain love

In the midst of meetings and partings

I miss you, I miss you more than anyone

We first met under the starry sky

I want to tell you, even if my feelings aren't returned

My heart is still searching for you

I knew, as if it were natural

We'd part ways someday

I miss you, I miss you more than anyone

Because I could never forget you

If it's for you, yes, if it's for you...

I don't want you to ever let go of my hand

My hand was always warm in yours

* * *

**_A/N:_** Amazingly, I actually whole-heartedly LIKE what I wrote! Criticism is welcome, and please review! It's nice to know what my readers think! 


	4. Mistaken Identity

**_A/N:_** I honestly think I was on drugs when I wrote this…Oo

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own Destiny! Otherwise Mia would be dead.

* * *

_**Mistaken Identity**_

"Come with me,"

His hand stretched toward me. His piercing emerald eyes showing panic. Showing confusion. Showing… pity. The rain falling down everywhere. Down, down, and down… the droplets hitting my face like daggers. My world slowly coming to a stop and filling with gray. _No, no, no, NO!_ I desperately want to shout. It _can't_ be gray! Not anymore, not again! I'm in Lacus Clyne's world, I _am_ Lacus Clyne! Her world isn't gray and ugly! It's everything I want! It's not gray, it's not, it's _not_!

But the gray kept swirling all around; the rain kept beating down… the color of pity stared back at me, pleading to come along, pleading me to move, pleading me to do what? I can't go with him! People need me now! I'm Lacus Clyne; people _want_ me! Why was he asking me to throw it all away! Why was he being so cruel!

"Mia-"he calls. He seems really desperate now. His eyes are boring into mine. He tugs me along, but I violently rip away from him, thinking to all the times I sang. I was Lacus Clyne; those soldiers loved me, loved lacus Clyne! I frantically shook my head, backing away from him. My eyes were wild and maniacal, I knew it. The pitying gaze kept following me… Lacus Clyne didn't need pity! I DIDN'T NEED PITY!

"No! NO! NO!" I yell, nearly shrieking. Lightning flashed and I remembered Mia Campbell. She was desperate, clingy, needy, ugly, repulsive, unwanted and unneeded! I was someone else now. I was Lacus Clyne! Mia was gone, Mia didn't exist anymore, Mia didn't have to haunt me anymore! "NO! I- I- I'm… I'm-"

"Mia, please-"he begs his expression portraying surprise.

"NO!" I scream. "I'm LACUS CLYNE! LACUS!"

Fixing my wild gaze on him, I see that he looks surprised. I back away from him once more, back away from the one person who saw through me, backed away from his gaze, that pitying, fearful gaze, and threw away my last chance of being with him. But I was Lacus, and Lacus didn't want him now. And he called me Mia. Mia was gone, she was dead. Buried deep, deep, deep… He needed to know that; that repulsive Mia was gone forever and ever!

"I'm LACUS!" my voice as shrill panicked, even. "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

He said nothing. Just seemed surprised.

"DON'T YOU SEE!" I went on, screaming. The times when I used to be Mia flooded my head. When I'd sit hours by the TV watching a Lacus concert, how I spent all my money on her concert tickets, how I suffered trying to sound _exactly_ like her… I had nobody back then. But now, I WAS Lacus! EVERYBODY loved me, needed me, wanted me! "I'M LACUS! It's OK I'm Lacus, because everything's ALRIGHT! DON'T TRY TO TAKE IT FROM ME!"

I was desperate to make him see that Mia was gone. I was desperate to _prove_ to him I was good enough to be wanted. Lacus was me, and Lacus was wanted by everyone, after all. I had to make him see I could be better than Lacus. I had to make him see that there was only one Lacus and that was me! ME! _I_ was Lacus Clyne, now!

"Go away! Go away! I'm not Mia anymore! Mia's _gone_!" I cried, shaking my head violently.

"Mia!" his voice was sharp, commanding, scolding.

"NO! _NOT_ Mia! NOT Mia! Lacus! I'm LACUS!" I scream.

He seems… disappointed. Pitying. Why couldn't he stop looking at me that way! Lacus Clyne didn't need pity! She needed _nothing_! But he tries again. His hand is outstretched to me, and I stare at it pathetically, eye wide like a deer caught in headlights… Tears well in my eyes, and they fall over, but the rain washes it all away… all away…

Trembling, my hand goes to his… but then the gray comes back, swirling around. Lightning flashes and I scream, slapping his hand away from mine. I shake my head violently once again and sit down on the steps, hugging myself. "Lacus, Lacus, Lacus…" I murmur to myself.

"You're not…" he says softly. Disappointedly. _Pityingly_. And then he's gone. Just like that, he leaves without a second glance. He just walks away, away from me, away from Lacus, his fiancée. Heavy footsteps are echoing off the pavement as my tears spill over again. I hear them yelling as I rock back and forth, cradling myself. I cry, my sobs, Lacus' sobs, drowned out by the pounding rain. I can't even feel it anymore. Mia's gone, the rain's here, Mia's screaming, the rain's pounding… but I can't feel them anymore.

He was wrong. I was Lacus. Mia was gone because Lacus didn't need her anymore. I couldn't go back to being repulsive. I can't go back to being that. I _wouldn't_ go back to being invisible! NEVER!

My tears keep falling. They won't stop. Even when I assure myself I'm Lacus, they keep falling. It's like… it's like…

_I'm not Lacus Clyne…_

* * *

**_A/N:_** Well there it is… it seems odd, kindda. I still hate Mia, my feelings toward her hasn't changed, actually I kindda hate her even more now. I haven't seen the episode; I'm still trying to get hold of a site that DOESN'T have Bit Torrent. Anyway, I do feel sorry for her to some point, being your idol and all, and it's understandable that she doesn't want to go back… (she looks REEAAALLLYYY old) but still. Well, RnR please:D:D 


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